3 Ways to Figure Out Why You Feel Rejected in Relationships

The reason behind the fear of rejection comes from a desire for deep connection, love and acceptance.

Speaking your truth comes with a sense of vulnerability where you are ripping off the band aid and exposing your true feelings to your partner. The pain of feeling rejected is REAL. It is the avoidance of this pain that creates waves in your relationship in the form of triggers.

These triggers keep you safe from your pain, by making you feel angry or frustrated that your partner is not accepting you as you are, not listening to you. As a result you are not allowing yourself to feel the uncomfortable feelings that arise from your truth, and what you really need from yourself or your partner.

I’d like to introduce a new way of seeing ‘rejection’ as an opportunity of growth for you instead of something to be feared or avoided at all costs. There are 3 ways to explore what is happening for you, when you feel rejected so that you can begin to unravel this fear.


(1) The Mirror Effect

The feeling of rejection generally reflects back to you, in that moment, that you have been rejecting some part of you.

It could be that…
You are not accepting some part of you – for example, your need for love or validation. Are you judging yourself for ‘needing’ that love from your partner, do you silently call yourself ‘needy’?

The way around this is to give yourself that love and validation that you seek from your partner first. When you love and adore yourself, fill yourself up with love from within first, you will naturally attract that love and adoration from your partner with ease and a little surprise! I have experienced this over and over again in my relationship!

When I desperately needed to talk to my man, and he rejected my phonecall – I could have chosen to be upset that he “rejected” or was “ignoring” me. However I saw what happened as a signal (along with other signs from the Universe) that I was meant to nurture my connection with me first and give myself love in the form of meditation, journaling to simply be honest with myself on how I was feeling. Often this had nothing to do with my partner. After that we would have a beautiful conversation while I am in a self-loving and connected space.


(2) Tip of the iceberg

When he “rejected” something you said – don’t make it about him so quickly. Often you’d be quick to say – you don’t understand me, you’re not listening to me.

I know this is in contrast to what you may know that a man’s rejection reflects his insecurities and its not about you – hold this thought for a minute and read on.

Pause for just a moment, and just consider for a slight moment – is there any truth in what he is saying – that could be triggering me … because I (my ego) can’t accept it to be true?

One thing that triggered me for example was when I shared with my man that I had difficulty sleeping. Instead of soothing me or showing me the care I had expected, he questioned my meditation or therapy that was not helping me.

I did not like hearing this at all – which I did let him know. The reason was because what he said was true. I did not put my tools to use sometimes. Anxiety and worry kept me up and doing lots of stuff on my phone instead of resting and preparing for sleep. I created my own situation – I was guilty for that and I had wanted him to make that right for me.

Can I find it within me to stand up and take responsibility for my creation instead of crying over spilled milk? Yes, I can. Can you?

Rejection is only the tip of the iceberg. Look deeper into your feelings, your expectation and your intention behind communicating your truth.


(3) Expectation for acceptance

When you start a conversation with your partner, certain that he is going to reject what you say, you will surely create that situation! That’s almost deliberately starting an argument or picking a fight!

In psychology, it’s also called the ‘confirmation bias’. When you believe that your partner will reject your truth, you will only seek evidence that proves what you believe to be right and you will dismiss alternative evidence when he behaves otherwise.

On the other hand, when you do not fully believe in your truth, you’re feeling insecure about it and you’re really hoping he can give you the “right” answer and what you needed to hear in that moment … then your partner who is your beautiful mirror will show you his secure self and amplify your insecurity even more.

Be prepared that your conscious beautiful man may just dish out the truth, the way he sees it to you.

This does not mean that when you have needs, when you have big emotions to share, your amazing man isn’t the person that you can go to.

I simply want to let you know that when you do these inner reflections about your communication with your man, you can better handle miscommunication, identify reactive or triggered emotions and work through them by yourself with this guide.

You have to understand what’s going for you when you feel rejected through these reflections as a personal practice first, before you can even begin overcoming the fear you feel within yourself when you speak your truth.