I stepped into the cab and the song All Of Me by John Legend was playing. That was the song that my student was working on Monday. I remember my Duality family member singing this song too. A song to me from Soul. Opening opening and embracing all of me, giving all of me to me. I am worthy.

It felt like I was rushing on Monday morning. Though I started with my self loving ritual, I quickly moved into a space of beat up thoughts.

For leaving my home late even when I had woken up so much earlier today.

For not going to yoga today because it was too rushed with my start time at work. For thinking that I’m lazy.

For having a fit of sneezing. Feeling my inflamed nose.

Wanting to stay disconnected. Wanting to hide.

The moment I felt this I knew. I knew that the separation wasn’t external and that I was seeking a deeper bond within me.

For eating ice cream last night. For the frappe that I had yesterday.

For not getting enough sleep.

For not completing my to do lists.

For not doing more.

For falling behind. For not keeping up.

For expanding. For standing tall.

Just, wow.

As I walked to the bus stop, I was pulled to listen to the embodiment practice guided by Sheila Pai (Nuturing You Online Retreat 2015). The moment I heard her voice, tears rushed to my eyes. I realised all the places within me that were aching for my own love. I realised after the expansion on Monday, I was riding the contractions in my body that followed on Tuesday. I sank into my breath and found the spaciousness within my body, that infinite space within that can hold all of me. As I kept breathing, I became a lot more present in the moment, letting go of all the anxieties, doubts and not enoughness. I felt my feet dangle off the bench completely relaxed. I was filled with so much ease, peace, joy and gratitude for returning back Home to myself, for returning back to my breath.

It is that gap isn’t it, that we fall into at times. Moving away from self loving, getting caught up in routines. Not staying accountable to myself. Remembering brings me back to my breath, to the present moment, to heal my soul and detach from my mind that is keeping me small and wrong.

I am choosing a more self loving space. I am choosing to commit to loving me. I am choosing to show up each day and practice loving me.

***

I was riding the wave of contractions on Tuesday. My eyes glazed over from too much screen and administrative work. It took one person to ask me, if everything was ok and what had happened and just being in that space of openness allowed my tears to flow while I was at work. I embraced my sadness and I embraced my tears. I embraced the fact I was battling several emotions under the surface. Beautiful clearing and releasing. I used sage to cleanse my energy and I listened to the meditation to clear my energy. My energy shifted quickly and I moved into a space of amusement and observation, allowing where I was in that moment. I am so grateful to be able to use these tools and shift.

Can you hold me when I don’t even know what’s going on?

Can you hold me with emotions I don’t understand?

Yes, yes I can Vickie <3

My inner child is seeking a deeper connection with me, within me.

I am so grateful that I can hear her voice. I am so grateful that I can create this space of healing within me, for her. I am grateful that she trusts me, to come to me.

It is only when I was looking for a picture to accompany this post that I came across this watercolour painting I had done over a journaling page. I had set the intention to “Embrace Me Whole” during a New Moon ritual. I love my practice of building an intimate connection within and I find myself opening deeper and deeper to life, fully receiving all the gifts and miracles that come my way.

Posted On : September 24, 2015 BY Viknesvari | No Comments | ADD YOURS