Allow Your Wounds to Heal instead of Protecting Your Pain
Stress and overwhelm while I work in the child protection field led me to pick up the courage to see a psychotherapist who told me, what I had been connecting the dots to, the months leading up to the session. I was ready to receive my truth. I was ready to do the work necessary to stop going through the up and down emotional rollercoaster ride. I knew that I was led back into this work for a reason and I was not giving up easily.
During the first session, I was told that all the activities that I was doing for myself as an act of self-care – the painting, journaling, meditating, singing, alternative healing – were all band aids on my wounds. This was a big realisation for me. Yes, I had been through growth periods. Yes, I had received amazing healings. And yet… 5 years into my spiritual journey, I learnt that it was time for me to remove the band aids and allow my healing to truly begin.
“Adverse childhood experiences are stressful or traumatic events, including abuse and neglect, household dysfunction such as witnessing domestic violence, incarceration, divorce or parental separation or growing up with family members who substance misuse – introducing a stress-based response in the brain and thus the body”.
With the support of my therapist, through the practice of mindfulness on a daily basis and making peace with my feelings as they arise, I uncovered the biggest puzzle pieces of my personal story. I realised that as a sensitive child, I had taken on the trauma of a family member. Though I had no conscious understanding of what happened at the age of 7, I had felt a strong sense of rejection. This realisation became the stepping stone to release my pain and I felt a sense of liberating freedom.
I had been practicing sitting with my triggers without suppressing them further, giving space to my stories, listening to my little girl and the teenager within me, making peace with my feelings that arise, connecting with Source and releasing it all to the light. Each time I did that, I found ease and peace in my inner world. My reality began to reflect the calm that I felt within me. I developed a sense of emotional stability within me and was no longer sucked into the turmoil or chaos that happened around me.
There’s a fear that if you rip off your band aids, you will fall back deep into the rabbit hole. The past may feel ‘too much’ for you to handle. I’ve discovered that your fear of the darkness is what keeps you hidden, unseen, unheard. This is not a reason for you to turn a blind eye. If you’re reading this post, you know in your heart, what you must do. I believe that when you are ready – your memories resurface or the truth falls into your lap. All you have to do, is ask and be open to receive.
Every important relationship in your life that triggers a response within, holds a light onto the fears and resistance within you and hence presents an opportunity for the release of your fears and pain, allowing your healing to begin. Every important relationship in your life – will show you where you can start.
This is another level of tapping into your inner power, to truly allow yourself to experience your feelings in the moment – even if it’s anger, pain, disappointment, shame, guilt, frustration. When you can create space within you to hold both pain and joy, as well as appreciate your experience in those moments, you are allowing yourself to own your experience and be all of who you really are.
When you can do that for you, you build your capacity to experience true joy without waiting for the other shoe to drop. You bring a greater sense of self acceptance and compassion into your life. Your close relationships deepen and your sense of satisfaction in life increases.
I love the book Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer and the chapter “Removing Your Inner Thorn”. I leave you with this quote from the book…
“In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all times. One of the most important areas requiring change is how we solve our personal problems. We normally attempt to solve our inner disturbances by protecting ourselves. Real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth.”
PS: If you’d like a safe space with support on daily practices as you rip off your band aids with love, join my group Flow of Appreciation. . I’ll see you inside the circle!
There is so much truth here in these words. I’ve been noticing a couple of habits of my own that I’d been putting under the heading ‘self care’ that were really just a bandaid.
For example after seeing a few clients in a row I’d have this desire to plonk myself on the sofa and reach for something sweet. On the surface this appeared like self care, but I knew there was something deeper to this.
But I was afraid to explore further and what I might discover. I was afraid that it was because deep down I didn’t enjoy my work.
Well I did explore and what I learnt is that I need a lot more time and space in-between sessions. Having created this space now I feel so much better, life feels sweet so I’m not so reliant on sweet foods and drinks.