“I just feel like he is not listening to me”.

“I feel like he doesn’t understand me…”

If these thoughts have been going through a woman’s mind, most likely she’s been having these experiences for awhile. She’s probably wondering…

“Is this (relationship) going to last?”

“Can I really do this?”

As a highly sensitive woman in a relationship, what you really want is for your man to love you – deeply. You loooove conversations and connections and you really wish that he understood all of your emotions (just the way you do, intuitively). Sometimes you don’t know what to say so you struggle with conflicts, not speaking up afraid to create more waves in the relationship.

Not speaking up, then makes you feel unheard and misunderstood. You can’t help but cry, and then you’re told that you’re being too sensitive. This frustrates you to the core because you feel so much of love and anger at the same time!

I know what this feeling is like. I’ve lived it too.

When I was dating, I could not speak up and share my truth, my beliefs. When I did, I couldn’t receive my man’s response – he would tell me: “You’re being sensitive”. This hurt me so much. When it was a phonecall, after hanging up, I would bawl in bed past midnight. When we were out, I would “freeze” and become quiet, withdrawing deep inside of me where I am safe. It was a one sided conversation and he would get frustrated with my silence. This really hurt my heart and the tears would come.

Sometimes Pride would keep the tears from falling. Anything that came out of my mouth, sounded like defence. I was too ashamed to share with my girlfriends that I was feeling so miserable when I was triggered by this man that I love so much! In the end after much reflections, I decided that this relationship mattered more to me (than my pride), so I turned to my mentor for help.

“Sensitivity is my superpower”.

This mantra helped me to shift my mindset and my experience. I learnt that being sensitive is a beautiful and divine gift that I have. It allowed me to be intuitive. This was a powerful tool in my life, as a friend, a partner, a coach and as a social worker. It helps me to build deeper connections with others. I learnt that it was safe for me to allow and experience all of my emotions without judgement. By embracing my sensitivity, I validated my emotions. I accepted myself and my emotions, more and more every day. A mindful self compassion practice allowed me to breathe and be present with my experiences, to take better care of myself and to give to myself first.

To be honest, I stopped reading all of the poems about sensitive women on Elephant Journal and Thought Catalog. The truth is each time I did that – I was looking for evidence to justify and make me feel better about how I emotionally reacted in situations that rubbed me the wrong way, like sandpaper. These poems did nothing to help me become stronger; in fact they kept me in victim mode.

I’ve come to a place in my relationship, where if my partner says I am sensitive, I get to accept it and at times even giggle about it! I’ve come to own my sensitivity. ‘Being a sensitive’, washes over me like the ocean waves, making me smile and feel really good. It’s my truth, I am a sensitive woman and I love it. These days my partner would let me know that he is about to say something that I may feel sensitive about and this allows me to open my heart and energy to listen and receive what he is saying, while still being mindful about how I am feeling. In the moment, I get to say that yes I feel sensitive about this and then I go on to share about my true thoughts and feelings.

An additional benefit is that I’m more able to choose to respond instead of react during conflicts or uncomfortable life experiences, as I’ve built my self-trust and self-reliance muscles by holding space for my emotions. My practice has allowed me to create new neural pathways from the reactive (survival or reptilian) part of the brain that stimulates the fight, flight or freeze response, to the problem solving part of the brain (frontal cortex or thinking brain). Very very neat. It has created a huge shift in my relationship with my man AND in my work life as I interact with clients and their volatile emotions.

My name is Viknesvari, a relationship coach and I help women in committed relationships speak their true thoughts and feelings to their partners without fear of being rejected or judged. If you’re a highly sensitive woman in a relationship, I want you to know that you can have a different experience like me, as opposed to what you believe – if you’re ready to stand up and make the change. .

If you’re a highly sensitive woman, who would like support in cultivating a self-care practice that nurtures you on a daily basis, join my group Flow of Appreciation. . I’ll see you inside the circle!

Lovingly,
 
Viknesvari

Posted On : September 23, 2017 BY Viknesvari | No Comments | ADD YOURS