When you feel rejected, it feels like who you are as a person, your inherent worth has been rejected, left unwanted. You begin to wonder if you did or said something wrong. You may even feel angry that your voice is not being heard and this anger builds up within you, when left unexpressed.

 
Your fear of rejection comes hand in hand with your longing for acceptance. This is a universal yearning – wanting to be loved and accepted for who and all that you really are. When you’re not so confident, you think that what you say is not going to be received well. You’re afraid that what you say will not be accepted, will be misunderstood or will be challenged. How would you deal with the real pain that comes from that?

 
Thinking this way, creates an expectation that sets your energy to attract rejection or feel relief when you get a better outcome. Instead of feeling confident from speaking up despite the outcome of acceptance or rejection. Here are some tips to overcome the fear of rejection when speaking your truth.

(1) Become aware of the energy “pull”

When a person who means more to you, ignores you, you start thinking if she is ok, if you should ask her what’s going on, if she is upset with you etc. However if it was a person whom you did not have a close relationship with – it would not bother you at all. It will pass through you completely.

When you feel “bothered”, evident through the slightest change in your mood and your perception, you have been “pulled” into the energy that’s causing you turmoil within. Start being aware when you’re getting pulled in and stop. Allow yourself to pause in that moment. This is an opportunity for you to practice consciously letting go. This practice will allow you to keep your heart open, keep your energy flowing and stop you from taking things personally or taking offence.

(2) Practice letting go

Oh you’ve heard this before but how do you actually do it? When you identify the pull of the energy, create a distance with it and choose not to be a part of that energy. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, watch it go out of your system.

Practicing restorative poses like pigeon pose, recline twist and savasana in yoga helps with letting go of the tension in your body through the breath. Your body is in a position of letting go and relaxation. Take this practice off your mat and bring your practice into your reality. This has been a powerful way of practice for me. Most of the times it’s the little things that “bothers” you and this builds up it explodes. If you could keep releasing it, moment by moment, you’d feel better.

(3) Ask for clarification

When you truly sense rejection in the words from a person, check in with them on what they really meant to say, or their intention. Let them know what you ‘heard’. Ask them if that was what they meant to say or if it’s something else. This also creates an opportunity for the other to explain what they really mean.

It’s true that due to our own fears, expectations in conversations, we receive information in the way that was not intended and that may cause unnecessary pain. So, clarify first.

(4) Express how you feel

Perhaps you heard them right! Let them know how you felt when you heard those words. When I heard you say … i feel like …

The only way to start doing this is to begin practicing. You’ve probably heard the saying, feel the fear and do it. It’s true that fear can keep you stuck where you are, until it becomes too painful and it makes you move.

Start practicing by choosing someone that you feel safe with, to express yourself. Choose a topic that feels safe to share about as well. Talk to a friend or mentor to receive support on what words to use and how to go about expressing yourself.

You could start with a close friend or family member that ruffles your feathers a little. You could express how you really feel instead of glossing over your emotions.

The next opportunity to practice is when you attend you trainings, lectures or any professional group setting. Put your hand up and share your answers. Practice using your voice this way to feel comfortable with expressing yourself.

My love, as you’re still reading here’s a truth for you. Rejection itself is an illusion that you’ve created because of the ‘safety’ that you feel when you think that others love and accept you for who you are. The truth is that you are loved and accepted for who you are as you came into this world. There isn’t any need for you to be any different than who you are, or to do anything differently to earn someone else’s love and acceptance of you.

You are inherently loved and accepted. Know this truth. This is the natural essence of who you really are. Practice it. Remember it. Keep tapping into it.

PS: If you’d like support with daily practice to create greater self-acceptance in your life, join my group Flow of Appreciation. . I’ll see you inside the circle!
 

Posted On : October 15, 2017 BY Viknesvari | No Comments | ADD YOURS