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When you feel rejected, it feels like who you are as a person, your inherent worth has been rejected, left unwanted. You begin to wonder if you did or said something wrong. You may even feel angry that your voice is not being heard and this anger builds up within you, when left unexpressed.

 
Your fear of rejection comes hand in hand with your longing for acceptance. This is a universal yearning – wanting to be loved and accepted for who and all that you really are. When you’re not so confident, you think that what you say is not going to be received well. You’re afraid that what you say will not be accepted, will be misunderstood or will be challenged. How would you deal with the real pain that comes from that?

 
Thinking this way, creates an expectation that sets your energy to attract rejection or feel relief when you get a better outcome. Instead of feeling confident from speaking up despite the outcome of acceptance or rejection. Here are some tips to overcome the fear of rejection when speaking your truth.

(1) Become aware of the energy “pull”

When a person who means more to you, ignores you, you start thinking if she is ok, if you should ask her what’s going on, if she is upset with you etc. However if it was a person whom you did not have a close relationship with – it would not bother you at all. It will pass through you completely.

When you feel “bothered”, evident through the slightest change in your mood and your perception, you have been “pulled” into the energy that’s causing you turmoil within. Start being aware when you’re getting pulled in and stop. Allow yourself to pause in that moment. This is an opportunity for you to practice consciously letting go. This practice will allow you to keep your heart open, keep your energy flowing and stop you from taking things personally or taking offence.

(2) Practice letting go

Oh you’ve heard this before but how do you actually do it? When you identify the pull of the energy, create a distance with it and choose not to be a part of that energy. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, watch it go out of your system.

Practicing restorative poses like pigeon pose, recline twist and savasana in yoga helps with letting go of the tension in your body through the breath. Your body is in a position of letting go and relaxation. Take this practice off your mat and bring your practice into your reality. This has been a powerful way of practice for me. Most of the times it’s the little things that “bothers” you and this builds up it explodes. If you could keep releasing it, moment by moment, you’d feel better.

(3) Ask for clarification

When you truly sense rejection in the words from a person, check in with them on what they really meant to say, or their intention. Let them know what you ‘heard’. Ask them if that was what they meant to say or if it’s something else. This also creates an opportunity for the other to explain what they really mean.

It’s true that due to our own fears, expectations in conversations, we receive information in the way that was not intended and that may cause unnecessary pain. So, clarify first.

(4) Express how you feel

Perhaps you heard them right! Let them know how you felt when you heard those words. When I heard you say … i feel like …

The only way to start doing this is to begin practicing. You’ve probably heard the saying, feel the fear and do it. It’s true that fear can keep you stuck where you are, until it becomes too painful and it makes you move.

Start practicing by choosing someone that you feel safe with, to express yourself. Choose a topic that feels safe to share about as well. Talk to a friend or mentor to receive support on what words to use and how to go about expressing yourself.

You could start with a close friend or family member that ruffles your feathers a little. You could express how you really feel instead of glossing over your emotions.

The next opportunity to practice is when you attend you trainings, lectures or any professional group setting. Put your hand up and share your answers. Practice using your voice this way to feel comfortable with expressing yourself.

My love, as you’re still reading here’s a truth for you. Rejection itself is an illusion that you’ve created because of the ‘safety’ that you feel when you think that others love and accept you for who you are. The truth is that you are loved and accepted for who you are as you came into this world. There isn’t any need for you to be any different than who you are, or to do anything differently to earn someone else’s love and acceptance of you.

You are inherently loved and accepted. Know this truth. This is the natural essence of who you really are. Practice it. Remember it. Keep tapping into it.

PS: If you’d like support with daily practice to create greater self-acceptance in your life, join my group Flow of Appreciation. . I’ll see you inside the circle!
 

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Speaking your truth comes with a sense of vulnerability where you are ripping off the band aid and exposing your true feelings to your partner. The pain of feeling rejected is REAL. It is the avoidance of this pain that creates waves in your relationship in the form of triggers.

These triggers keep you safe from your pain, by making you feel angry or frustrated that your partner is not accepting you as you are, not listening to you. As a result you are not allowing yourself to feel the uncomfortable feelings that arise from your truth, and what you really need from yourself or your partner.

I’d like to introduce a new way of seeing ‘rejection’ as an opportunity of growth for you instead of something to be feared or avoided at all costs. There are 3 ways to explore what is happening for you, when you feel rejected so that you can begin to unravel this fear.

(1) The Mirror Effect

The feeling of rejection generally reflects back to you, in that moment, that you have been rejecting some part of you.

It could be that…
You are not accepting some part of you – for example, your need for love or validation. Are you judging yourself for ‘needing’ that love from your partner, do you silently call yourself ‘needy’?

The way around this is to give yourself that love and validation that you seek from your partner first. When you love and adore yourself, fill yourself up with love from within first, you will naturally attract that love and adoration from your partner with ease and a little surprise! I have experienced this over and over again in my relationship!

When I desperately needed to talk to my man, and he rejected my phonecall – I could have chosen to be upset that he “rejected” or was “ignoring” me. However I saw what happened as a signal (along with other signs from the Universe) that I was meant to nurture my connection with me first and give myself love in the form of meditation, journaling to simply be honest with myself on how I was feeling. Often this had nothing to do with my partner. After that we would have a beautiful conversation while I am in a self-loving and connected space.

(2) Tip of the iceberg

When he “rejected” something you said – don’t make it about him so quickly. Often you’d be quick to say – you don’t understand me, you’re not listening to me.

I know this is in contrast to what you may know that a man’s rejection reflects his insecurities and its not about you – hold this thought for a minute and read on.

Pause for just a moment, and just consider for a slight moment – is there any truth in what he is saying – that could be triggering me … because I (my ego) can’t accept it to be true?

One thing that triggered me for example was when I shared with my man that I had difficulty sleeping. Instead of soothing me or showing me the care I had expected, he questioned my meditation or therapy that was not helping me.

I did not like hearing this at all – which I did let him know. The reason was because what he said was true. I did not put my tools to use sometimes. Anxiety and worry kept me up and doing lots of stuff on my phone instead of resting and preparing for sleep. I created my own situation – I was guilty for that and I had wanted him to make that right for me.

Can I find it within me to stand up and take responsibility for my creation instead of crying over spilled milk? Yes, I can. Can you?

Rejection is only the tip of the iceberg. Look deeper into your feelings, your expectation and your intention behind communicating your truth.

(3) Expectation for acceptance

When you start a conversation with your partner, certain that he is going to reject what you say, you will surely create that situation! That’s almost deliberately starting an argument or picking a fight!

In psychology, it’s also called the ‘confirmation bias’. When you believe that your partner will reject your truth, you will only seek evidence that proves what you believe to be right and you will dismiss alternative evidence when he behaves otherwise.

On the other hand, when you do not fully believe in your truth, you’re feeling insecure about it and you’re really hoping he can give you the “right” answer and what you needed to hear in that moment … then your partner who is your beautiful mirror will show you his secure self and amplify your insecurity even more.

Be prepared that your conscious beautiful man may just dish out the truth, the way he sees it to you.

This does not mean that when you have needs, when you have big emotions to share, your amazing man isn’t the person that you can go to.

I simply want to let you know that when you do these inner reflections about your communication with your man, you can better handle miscommunication, identify reactive or triggered emotions and work through them by yourself with this guide.

You have to understand what’s going for you when you feel rejected through these reflections as a personal practice first, before you can even begin overcoming the fear you feel within yourself when you speak your truth.

Lovingly,

Viknesvari

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