Growing Spiritually while still feeling Connected to your Partner
“I’m spiritual and he is not… can this (relationship) last?”
When you begin a spiritual path, the one thing that you seek, is another person who thinks and feels like you do, with similar beliefs and is living like you. You are hungry for information, to understand what you’re going through, to have like-minded friends for support. Concepts like twin flames, soulmates become interesting to you. That is why, a woman often looks at her partner first – can he accept me as a spiritual woman and all these things that I’d like to explore and adventure on?
“I’m afraid that my spiritual transformation will create an emotional distance between us”.
It was the same thing that I thought too. In fact, I was afraid and worried. The truth is, I prided and glorified myself as being on the spiritual path. None of my friends understood my journey. I had a friend who thought I was in a cult and that damaged our friendship. I thought that I didn’t need to have the people in my life, who couldn’t accept me for who or where I was in my life.
The truth beneath it all is –
Can you accept yourself for all that you are, where are you on your spiritual path?
When you see your partner as not being interested to do the things that you want to do like go for a meditation, or practice yoga, have conversations about spirit guides, higher self, crystals, ascension, DNA upgrades, you jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t love you and the painful “truth” that he is not meant for you.
My dear sister, this is not the full truth. I hope my life experiences and these guideposts will help you to pause and reflect on your journey, your inner shifts and your relationship with your partner.
(1) Get off your pedestal.
Just because you are on a spiritual path, doesn’t make you or others who get your ‘terms’, better than the rest. You’re not superior. Your partner is on his own spiritual path too.
Release the expectation of who you ‘want’ him to be.
See him for who he really is.
Can you accept him for all he is?
Can you accept you for all you are?
One of my most beautiful realisations is that, my man is a conscious and awake man – not in the way that I had expected him to be at all. He had been on his own journey or dark night of the soul, he had done his inner work in a way that fit him. Over time I grew to respect the man that he has become, the strength he has to hold me when I am all woman with emotions, and when he knows I’m ready to stand on my own and give me my truth – no sugar coating.
(2) Be prepared to be triggered.
While you’re starting out on the path – you’re not 100% convinced either. Like a new pair of jeans, you’re trying out what works and what doesn’t. You’re attracted to a spiritual practice because it is healing for you. That’s ok! But really … Are YOU ok with that? Are you afraid of being judged? Are you going along with the crowd because that’s what everyone else is doing?
When you’re vulnerable and expose this uncertain part of you to your partner, and he says something that pushes into your wounds you will feel triggered. When you respond and speak – you will be defensive. You try to protect what you know about spirituality and your new beliefs.
You’re being triggered because you don’t quite understand your own experience. You may even be judging yourself, while you’re on your journey! Your partner is simply reflecting that aspect of you (being judgmental of self), back to you. Your triggers are your opportunity for growth. If you’re willing to do the inner work.
When this journey was new for me, my partner had a lot of questions for me that I couldn’t answer. I didn’t have a full understanding myself. People who channel, dive into shadow work, the law of attraction is it all true? After all the triggers and heated discussions, I began to stand on my feet and question what I was receiving from the online world. It allowed me to listen to my intuition and not fall into the fear of missing out. I learnt to take what fits me and let go of the rest.
(3) Your partner is your biggest mirror.
I will go so far as to say that, your partner is reflecting back to you, your inner truth. Whether you have even realised it or not. All that my partner triggered in me, helped me to reflect what was going on for me beneath the trigger.
Keep asking yourself, what’s beneath this?
When you dig deeper and deeper, the answer almost always circles back to you valuing yourself more and loving yourself more.
When you feel like your partner is not listening to what you have to say, the mirror reflection is that you created this experience to realise the areas where you don’t value yourself!
Value yourself and know that validation from another is not necessary. Your love for you, is what you’re truly seeking.
(4) Focus on your growth, not his path.
Stop expecting him to do the spiritual things with you.
Do the things that make you happy. Stop wanting to get approval or permission. Know who you are, your truth and live the life that you desire. And… watch the magic happen.
I focused on the things that I loved very much – meditation, journaling, yoga, oracle card readings, energy healing practices, starting my own coaching practice. The impact of your focus on your spiritual path will be evident to him – your confidence, the way you take care of you, your light that shines brightly.
One day while we were waiting for a bus in what was a long journey for us, I closed my eyes to center myself. When I opened my eyes I couldn’t believe it – my partner’s eyes were closed. I expected him to open his eyes any time soon. He didn’t! I wasn’t sure so I checked with him on what he was doing – he was focusing on his breath and clearing his mind! He was meditating! I was stumped.
(5) Be as open as you can
What does that really mean, what does it look like?
Start by opening your heart to your life experiences and your emotions. Become aware of when you are choosing to close your heart and choose to open again.
Allow yourself to reflect on your behaviors, your thoughts and beliefs. When I reflect on my journey in life, when I reflect on why I had a conflict or disagreement with my partner, I would share these realisations with him – not for his approval. A choice to share my intimate thoughts about myself within me. This creates a deeper intimacy and connection between us.
One of our most powerful reflections together was how we had learnt to resolve conflicts from our parents and how that had hurt our hearts – he learnt anger and blame and I learnt to shut down and disconnect. What we both yearned for, was connection, understanding and acceptance.
This allowed us to choose and create how we wanted to resolve conflicts in our lives and we chose – to ask questions and clarify, to reflect when the other is saying something or acting in a way that feels uncomfortable, to ask for what we need, to be honest and to apologise. And above all, to keep choosing love.
So… what is spirituality?
To every person, it may mean different things. To me spirituality is being connected to the truth of who I am, the source or universal energy that flows through me. My life is the unfolding of layers, uncovering the core truth of who I really am and living in devotion to that truth every day, knowing that every step of the way, I am being the light and shining my light.
One of the questions I love to ask my coaching clients is, what are the top 5 values that they desire in their ideal man and where they were in embodying these values in their lives. For example honesty, loyalty, humor etc. Focus on these areas in your personal development, rather than whether your man is ‘spiritual’ or not.
My dear sister, I do not claim to be an expert. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest. If you’re in an abusive relationship, seek help. I say this with love, as a case worker in child protection work who works with parents too. If your relationship isn’t meeting your needs, reconsider your options, if that is in your highest good. When there is an opportunity and it is safe for you, open hearted communication with compassion and kindness, questions to find out without making assumptions is a great way to begin. If you need support, I am ready to help you.
If you’re a woman in a committed relationship who is ready to own and step into your inner transformation alongside your partner, I’d love to support you through my VIP sessions! Check it out here
Lovingly,
Viknesvari
